50 Cent: Blood on the Sand Review (Xbox 360)

Well, here it is... My "50 Cent: Blood on the Sand" review. As I stated in my last post, I took a more comedic approach to this review than I did in my "[PROTOTYPE]" review. I hope you all enjoy it. Don't forget, I write reviews as I play the games so if you have any requests, let me know. As always, thank you for reading!

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand Review

Yo, what up everybody?! How my dogs and homies doin’ in the hood? I’m just poppin’ a deal over hur in my crib. Yea, what you know about that? Damn, homie… (Shakes head and enters reality) Wow… I’m sorry about that. I’ve been playing 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand developed by Swordfish Studios and I kind of lost track of myself. That’s right, I’m reviewing 50 Cent’s latest attempt at making money, his new video game. This isn’t his first game, however. Sometime during November in 2005, 50 Cent: Bulletproof was released for the Playstation 2 and Xbox. Critics called the game mediocre at best but I never played it because… well, I didn’t really care for it and I couldn’t imagine paying two cents to play it, let alone fifty (drum roll, please). But when I was bored one lonely afternoon and I was searching the racks at my local movie and video game rental store, I saw this game on the shelf and decided I wanted to be "In da Club" for a couple days. I’m not going to lie, I feel hip hop has rotted away from the core it started as. When I’m parading around in my happy-go-lucky lifestyle I don’t want to hear about how someone will put seventeen bullets in my head and beat their whores while shoving a pound of cocaine up their nose if they are even squinted at the wrong way. But I do listen to hip hop. It just happens to be the kind where there’s actually a purpose behind their lyrics.

So, the big question: is 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand any good? Well, before I could even play the game I had to prepare my self for what I was about to see. So I hopped onto the world wide web, surfed over to Youtube and listened to some tunes to get in the mood. One moment please… Aww yeah! I get money, I get money! … ‘Cause I’m a motherf****n’ P.I.M.P.! … If I can’t do homie, can’t be done. I’m a let the champagne bottle pop, I’m a take it to top, sure I’m a make it hot baby! … You can find me in da club, bottles full of bub. Look mami I got the X if you into to taking drugs. I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love so come give me a hug if you’re into getting rubbed! … Alright homie, I’m black! I mean back. I’m back and now I can play the game.

The story of the game is very simple and ludicrous at the same time. Basically, it’s one of the most comical storylines in a video game that I’ve ever seen. After the full-combat-gear ready 50 finishes his concert somewhere random in the Middle East, him and his G-Unit homeboys want their payment. But what a surprise! This war torn country doesn’t have the money to pay these gangstas. Instead, our lovable action hero is paid with a crystal skull that Indiana Jones must have lost track of. It could’ve have ended here but 50 Cent hasn’t shot anybody yet so not a chance. A few moments later, 50 Cent’s skull is stolen by a mysterious woman and 50 wants it back. This in turn leads to 50 Cent tearing up this country even more to get back what probably isn’t rightfully his. And that’s the story. 50 Cent will accomplish what George Bush failed to do by ending as many human lives possible in the Middle East to get his "ice." What this game does correctly however, is that it knows the story is ridiculous and sticks with it the whole time. The game makes sure you never take the plotline seriously and tries to make sure you enjoy the game for what it is, a third-person shooter.

The first thing I want to say about the gameplay is this: this game is incredibly easy. I only died twice on hard difficulty and even that was only because I was messing around. The game even has an achievement (no gamer points come with it, however) called Not Bulletproof which is gained by dying on easy (I made sure I unlocked this achievement). Basically, anyone can plow through this game whether you are a hardcore gamer or not.

The second is that this game is incredibly short. You remember how I said I wanted to waste a couple days being a P.I.M.P.? Well, I meant more like three and a half hours. Yes, I beat this game in three and a half hours. And the worst part about this is the fact that there are no other modes to play besides the story mode. There is no competitive multiplayer or minigames or whatnot. Sure, you can play the story mode with a friend via online (one person plays 50 Cent and the other plays Tony Yayo, Lloyd Banks or DJ Whoo Kid) but that gets old after the second play through. The only reason one would play through the game more than twice would be to attain piece unlockable content which consists of music videos, stills and songs to make your playlist (more on that later). Once I was finished, I was left with an empty feeling inside just like how I feel after I’ve eaten some Chinese food.

Nevertheless, this game is (and I can’t believe I’m saying this)… fun. The controls work really well and never feel sluggish. There is a cover system that will really help you out during the many, many shootouts the G-Unit will endure. It might get tedious going from gunfight to gunfight but you can’t help having fun at some points. Another fun gimmick is the melee combat you can pull off by getting close to an enemy and performing a small (and very easy) quick time event for an instant kill. There is also an arcade style mode, inspired by "The Club," in the game that keeps track of your score. Your score will consist of kill combos, finding collectible posters and shooting targets scattered around the levels. The higher your score, the better your medal at the end of the level and the more unlockables you receive. You can also buy taunts, new melee attacks and weapons from certain payphones with the money you find in boxes or what you pick up from 50 Cent’s reign of death upon the nation. Like my appendix, I never understood the purpose of the taunts nor did I really try to use them because it usually left 50 Cent in open resulting in damage being taken. The melee attacks are fun but the sad part is how you end up doing the same three attacks over and over again. But this game isn’t about melee, it’s about guns, and they’re great. The weapons are fun and plentiful consisting of assault rifles, shotguns, submachine guns, pistols, and rocket launchers. The shooting mechanics work well with all the guns as well. You aim, shoot and create dozens of corpses in front of you; the way any third-person shooter should work.

Like I said earlier, the game has a coop mode that you can play with a friend. But this leads to my biggest complaint. There is no split screen coop! Online is awesome when you have no one to play with, but what if I want to play with my friend who is sitting right next to me? Now I know some of you selfish people out there want your 50" screen all to yourself but I love playing with my friends in the same room! I’ve lived through the days of Goldeneye focusing on one tiny corner of the screen and I loved every part of it! Why, you ask? Well, because I have friends who come over my house and we like to play video games together in the same room, that’s why. There’s no need for me to say, "Hey buddy, would you like to play 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand?" "Why yes, I would love too! I’ll head home right now!" Also, if you’re going to try and whip out the system link argument, not all of us have the money to buy a bunch of 360’s and televisions for everyone to play with.

The music in the game, well, fits the game. The soundtrack is compiled of 50 Cent songs so I can’t say the soundtrack to the game is bad. I don’t like 50 Cent’s music but there are some tracks I remember back when I was in my "wannabe gangsta" phase. I’m actually glad they didn’t try to bust out some poor version of Arabian music. What you can do with the music is create your own playlist to listen to while you decimate bad guys. Finally, a game where I can headshot someone’s penis head while listening to "What Up Gangsta." Sadly, they don’t have all of his music in the game. I would have liked to shank some poor Middle Eastern enemy while listening to "21 Questions." … Could you love me in a Bentley? Could you love me on a bus? I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us… Umm… yeah, so the weapons sound great! Explosions go boom and cars go vroom. In other words, they don’t sound your shooting a pellet gun. The voice acting is… different. Everyone from the country sounds like they could’ve starred in a rip off of "The Kingdom" movie. That’s not technically a bad thing because they’ve got the accents to make us feel like we are in the Middle East. What twists this all around is 50 Cent busting down doors like Rambo but spitting out every profane word that one can think of. For example, you might hear, "I am a god and nobody, especially him, will bring a god down," and 50 Cent runs in and says "Yo, gimme back my skull, b***h." It really messes around with the atmosphere but I’m not going to lie, it is entertaining to listen to. Though there are some times when 50 Cent opens his mouth and he sounds like Billy Mays trying to advertise some Clorox.

The graphics in the game are next-gen graphics. They aren’t the prettiest I’ve ever seen, but there’s been much worse out there. They nail the detail of the war torn Middle Eastern country and the landscapes overall look pretty good. The character designs of 50 Cent and his homies look really good but I can’t say the same for the enemies. It’s just the same four or five different models popping up all over the country. The CG cutscenes are ridiculous as they are entertaining but they all look pretty well and pass for today’s video game technology.

Overall, the game is a fun and I recommend as a rent to anyone looking for a decent third-person shooter to spend some time with. Sure, if you’re a hundred percent against the two quartered man, you won’t enjoy it but if you don’t mind him, you’ll have fun. If you have a fancy for 50 Cent, well you probably already own this but if you don’t, you might want to pick this up next time you’re out. Hilarious story and dialogue, good gameplay, a fitting soundtrack and some pretty good graphics come together to make and enjoyable third-person experience. Also you’ll get a hefty amount of easy-to-earn achievement points.

Wait, I’m not done yet. I have one question about this game. This topic didn’t make sense to me so I’ll ask you. In the game, the dialogue of 50 and his gangsta friends along with some of the baddies contains profanity to rival Bad Boys. However, when you watch the unlockable music videos, they cut out the profanity making it sound like you’re listening to some poor kid with a stuttering problem. What’s the deal? Is listening to a non-pixelated 50 Cent swear bad for the youth and fans? Or do they think we would overlook all the profanity in the game because of the gunfights? Oh, well, I guess it’s just another mystery unsolved.